he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
