who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Randomize
