he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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