Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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