I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
