I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
