Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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