He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
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After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
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There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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