that's an acceptable place to lick
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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