oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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