I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
