I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
