how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
