I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
