I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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