You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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