Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
