And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
