They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
