I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
