It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
