I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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