He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
