Do you still have your period?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
