The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
It's never too late to be topless.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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