You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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