There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
