after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
