haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
