yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
