I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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