I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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