Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
