he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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