would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
sarcasm needs its own font
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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