New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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