Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
