i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
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