Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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