if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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