I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
