So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
