I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
