Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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