babies were throwing up all over the place
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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