Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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