my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
