Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Randomize
