I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
