We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
