So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Your penis caused this!
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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