Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
