I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
