I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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