Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
