sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Randomize
