OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
