..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
