so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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