I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He better not be in your backpack
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
