Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
