So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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