My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
