we're chasing vodka with high fives
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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