I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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